Nope, Wait, That's Stronger Than My Body

Wahhhhrrrhhgh

I have grown fat and happy in my dotage. Rain and grey and the warmth of satisfaction have set me out to pasture, and I'm totally okay with it except for the part where I'm exiled to this, my Saint Helena, for the next two months.

And so quickly, too!

Usually I travel at a slow enough pace that I gather my bearings, proceed with some dignity, and adapt. My philosophy of isolate and resume, remember. The world of California and the world of Maui and the world of College, three separate worlds of Mother and Father and Self that I maintained for as long as I've had them.

Only in the past day or two I've blazed from one, past the other, and fallen into the third before I was capable of remembering how I'm supposed to act here.

Hrmmmmm.

I was thin and miserable and sharp, or at least I fancied myself acceptably so. I had established myself as such, anyway, a while ago.

Like the end of the Lion, Witch and Wardrobe. They fall back out and go "Uh, buh, kingdom, grownup, stag hunt, oh right boarding school and war. Damn."

Only in reverse, I suppose. That's what it feels like.
It doesn't help that I can just waltz into Foodland and go "one vodka please".
Actually, that doesn't help, because the shit is COSTLY here on Saint Helena.

Oh I miss my computer. This laptop is insufficient.

Here is the problem: I have no purpose. I am in suspended animation for the summer, with no goals and no intentions, and I have no desire for my current situation.

I didn't need a break. I was fine. Give me more school, give me the same thing I just had. God I hate change. I hate the end of the school year, I hate the end of the semester! I hate the end of the week! I just like doing what I'm doing, why does everyone think you have to finish just when you're comfortable. Yes, finals were difficult and I lost some sleep and teeth like everyone else, but then you coma up for a week and you're fine! Lets go!

(Summerschool? Summerschool might work, but I doubt the schedule will fit as finely as I've shaved my schedule)

I used to go "why would I do anything else with my summer but the traditional return to alcatraz?". It's the way it goes, we all show up in hoods and torches and go "yes, hello, I remember you, lets drink and pretend" and it's usually quite fun and I was confused as to why people seemed to stop doing it and now I realize it is out of necessity and inability. Eventually it is no longer an option. I wonder what I shall do next summer. I hope it isn't work. I hate work.


Hey, look, over there! It's the new Pendulum album!
Immersion is out!
I have figured out why I like Pendulum so damn much - other than the boring reason of "seamless blend of drum&bass and 'what DeathCab would sound like if they were all dubstep maniac badasses'".

Pendulum produces the type of songs I would want to start playing in the background if I suddenly discovered I could fling fire from my fingertips.

That is an incredibly accurate description.

If I don't find something to do in the next week I'm going to build a Warhammer and fight Caleb.
Possibly The World.

Now Wat

Finals over. Maui in 2 weeks exactly.

Um um um. New computer. Information to follow.

That's about it.

What did I do before I took tests?
Oh right. Post stupid shit on the internet.














I should get some new music...