A Dietary Inorganic Macro-Mineral

In the dark in the dark in the dark I remember things better.

So when I'm here, in the light, in front of the computer I have to remember twice I have to remember what I remember in the dark.

I forget incredibly easily.

What does that mean.

It means I live in sections, jumping from environment cue to cue.
I live embedded in location, within music, in the memories of tv shows or films or restaurants or people; very little of me makes the transition unaffected.

I don't.....link memories together, I don't follow a linear path of thought. What happened last month isn't chronologically ordered in front of what happened last year, or what happened a week ago.

I really enjoy rereading these posts later. Especially the ones with music, which I usually haven't heard since the instance when they were initially fresh. I can go back, in order, entry by entry, and get refreshed on what was in my head.

My memories are encoded in media, so my brain is empty and available.
I can make myself remember things at a whim, because I forget everything.
Random-Access Memory.

Why is this important.

Because I'm getting worse.

This will go away in a day or two when school starts, when I move to that next time for four months.

I guess that's all there is to say.

Actually, that's it in a nutshell. That's all I have to say, I haven't done anything in what feels like years. I've been hibernating, I never really wanted a break. I wanted Fall to go on forever. I was fine, functioning.
Of course, I wanted my job to go on forever back at MCC.
And I wanted high school to go on forever, before that.

I guess I want any good thing to go on forever.

I sure do hate change. Even change away from change.

In other news, I've been having trouble sleeping.

This is probably connected to everything else but I'm not in the mood for stopping anything so either I'll get used to it or eat my pillow some time around 2:00.

2:00 is an impressive time again because I have to get up at 8.

Maybe that does it. Maybe the drastic fluctuation between Break and Semester, between Place and Place and Place, between lifestyles, has simply thrown me for a loop.
Perhaps it is that simple.



For now I'm going to lie in the dark and stare vaguely towards the future, ears straining to catch errant and odd sounds from outside, wishing I could fall asleep but literally and utterly unable.

Did I mention that my dreams have started lying to me?

Helium. Latin. The hungry bird orbits the sun.
My friend stabs me with a pin to explain that he's started doing drugs.
My old chemistry classroom has moved four stories up. I can no longer escape out the window.
I see sounds. A car beep is a bright minty green spike in the upper left corner of my brain. A truck doppelering away is a colorless blob slowly getting smaller, off to the right.

These are the ones I remember.

I could sleep with a pen and paper and turn these experiences into memories into encoded words, but I'm content to leave them the way they are.

Experiences.

I'm no photographer. I've never been good at documenting. This only becomes a problem when I want to have something to show for myself, for profile pictures or christmas cards or ego boosting.

Except.
Helios. Greek for sun.

I understand why people get obsessive and intrigued about interpreting their dreams.
It is alluring. It promises hidden and secret knowledge with little effort since it's supposed to be things you already know. Revealing messages from your backbrain.

Alluring and incredibly dangerous.

Don't listen.

Listen to Radiohead.


I guess that is neither obscure or fresh and new. Oh well.