Ugly Dance

Etid: light skin food air metal sex misery fire mushrooms webs ships torture beer frog spikes bleach violin ink crags sodomy money wings colorberries gods chainsaw bones puzzles babies concrete shellfish stilts entrails snow darkness isthisadream?

This is really the song that started it all.

Fucking Pendulum.

Too long! Too long chained down rendered floppy and molten useless.
Finally break free of this terrible and suspicious gravity that pervades this world.
All it took was time, time enough for sitting and waiting and wasting away in all dimensions

things were DULLED. Now I experience everything again, filters are a crutch for those who rely on sanity proper.
Let the mint of toothpaste burning your tongue be as real and visceral as any stolen kiss, any secret touch, let sensation intermingle as it ought to bring out the true in you.

Honestly. Honesty. Honey? Honor. Hone. Home.

I belong here no longer, and it knows it as much as I do. but we have passed the halfway mark together, and now I have freedom waiting at the visible end with laughter and intimacy and my own goddamn food oncemore.

Godshit I am not meant for this environment any longer, you wouldn't try and make a butterfly eat the same milkweed it had to choke down in order for it to make itself poisonous after it had hatched!

What a brilliant metaphor, I did not know, research break in middle of nightscream defiancing tells me caterpillars ingest cardenolide aglycones in order to make themselves poisonous. They are full of poison and it lasts them their whole life. They forcibly ingest enough poison in their pupal stage to give their dangerous orange color merit later on.

Inapplicable metaphor regardless continue.

What it TOOK was other people.

I am not a creator, I am no artist inmyownself I take and warp reflect twist that part and give it back and you will thank me for showing yours corrupted back again.

There was a book when I was a kid of a boy in a magic medievable castle university for mages and he garbled every spell and had no ability of his own but in the end he saved them all by acting as a conduit, an amplifier for their abilities. He was the lens the martyr the observer and focuser required to defeat whatever people couldnt do on their own.

I thought it was very different than usual, anyway, even as a kid.

People need input, I am not unique in this.

Books did it. Books here are shit, so I'm reading all the ones that I once tossed ignored into my narniadrobe. Alternate 1920's synthetic universe in a history noosphere from the future where europe has been replaced with a primordial soup of a rainjungle?
Warping, meandering intensely personal chronicle of a half dozen interweaving modern european drug dealers, fine art restorers, laundromat operators as they attempt to make sense of the juxtaposition of englands insidious past spirits unmaking connections?

Perhaps I have graduated from Dragons into this. Unwittingly.

How these people manage to craft worlds, people, in stunning clarity and originality, stuns me into oblivious worship.

What drives me is astonishment at the accomplishments of others.

Now I just need enough steady influx to maintain this to feed to microsurvive I can emerge as orange and black striped as I can manage.