Look all you need to know is there's a bunch of dancing bears in this post

Right so here's, well.

Here's a commercial for Weetabix, the winner of the Saddest Fucking Cereal Name Known To Man.
It's English, of course.

Astute eared followers may recognize the dulcet tones of Mord Fu(ckYeah)stang's "A New World" being used as the basal track to this.

This is fantastic. I hope he gets a million dollars for this. I hope he gets more than that, actually, since a million dollars is a pretty pisspoor amount of dollary-doos in this worlds economhahahah I have no idea what the state of the economy is. I think it's still bad.

Look the problem was, I got here from people going "Take a look at this shitty commercial, teddy bears dancing to dubstep, zomg, dubstep is officially mainstream".
So I did the normal next step and settled down to read some Youtube comments.
NOBODY said a fucking word about Mord Fustang.
EVERYONE just used the generic phrase "dubstep", and bemoaned the fate of it (or lambasted it) now that it's being appropriated by the mainstream or hipsters or whatever the fuck these ignorant people think people need to read.
(Just, as an aside, if anyone of you ever comes across a youtube comment written by me, or catches me in the act of writing a youtube comment, please throw me off a bridge. I'm already dead. Treat me like you would my zombified corpse.)

Yes, it was mentioned in the videos description. As an aside. But EIGHT PAGES of comments just referred to "dubstep" as some grand schema.

I have a problem with this, mostly because I still have no idea what the fuck constitutes dubstep.
This is a common problem within the music community - most of all the electronic music community, which is one of the most convoluted and technical genre-webs I've ever seen.

Mostly this is due to the fact that it's a very open-ended genre that's comparatively young (to say, "Jazz")  that is being rapidly innovated upon almost monthly.

Example: This is Ishkur's Guide to Electronic Music.


I'll give you a few hours.

So what the fuck is dubstep?
Well, it's a fad. It's a phenomenon. It's a pervasive audio meme that's infected just about every popular musical genre in the last ten(?) years.
And nobody knows what it is.
Okay, so, that's an extreme.
Everyone has a different view of what it is. Much more so than if, say, someone said "I like country" or "I like rap music".
(Yes, yes, I know, I'm a huge douchebag for using the phrase rap music but "hip hop" was too broad an example and somehow just using the word "rap" didn't seem right. Lets chalk it up to split-second Bill Cosby-spirit possession and move on.)

Everyone loves dubstep. People always ask me what I'm listening to as like, an opener, because I'm Headphones Guy, and the instant I indicate anything electronic they go "oh man yeah I'm really into dubstep right now" and I have to fight the urge to grab them by their shoulders and just shake and shout "BUT WHAT KIND, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT WHAT WHAT."

Because the problem is, people say "dubstep" but what they mean is "wobble bass put on top of anything else".

Wikipedia informs me that this pop-music infused with wobbly LFO's has been dubbed "brostep". That's fantastic.

Liking "dubstep" is about two steps up from "I listen to everything except rap and country", and only barely one step up from "I listen to Pandora!".
The people who are worried about it becoming "mainstream" are the same people who were worried about whatever the fuck they were listening to before they listened to dubstep becoming mainstream.
That is to say, they weren't worried about the music aspect of it.

What matters is, the more mainstream anything becomes, the better. It allows people with a lot of money to pour said money into distillation, "research" projects where we find out what the actual elemental units of a musical genre are.
Pull dubstep apart. Find out what makes it appealing. Focus on those parts. Sell those parts.
If it's terrible, well, darn. But doesn't that say something? Doesn't that make the good stuff that was always there all the better? And if it's fantastic, well, then let it be. Let it benefit from everyone getting their dirty hands on it and ruining it into different, new things.

That's 65% more bullet, per bullet!

Lets get all that old shit out of the way. Erase the whiteboard. Look. Just look.

David Guetta, right? Right? Remember when I was all "man, I sure hate Superproducers of trite dancehall crap that somehow everyone shits their pants over"? And then I followed it up with "except, for some reason, David Guetta"?

This is that reason.

Heres the deal. New album, right. Nothing But The Beat.
Guetta is a smart fucking cookie. He knows that errrrbody wants to make a shitty, shitty song with him. Errbody. Chris Brown. Flo-Rida. Akon. Timbaland. Nicki Minaj. Lil Wayne. Ludacris. Will.I.Am. Snoop Dogg. Usher. Jennifer Hudson.

Class? What is wrong with that above list of "artists who want to work on an electro-house dance record"?
The correct answer is, THEY'RE ALL SUPER BALLS.
What the fuck are any of them doing in this arena? Making millions of dollars. WHY? Because people in Ibiza will drink listen dance to anything. Aaaaannnyyythiiiing. And it spreads outwards from there.

So what does he do? He makes a fucking album with every single one of those people on it, ensuring that he gets literally millions upon millions of dollars. And it is terrible. It staaaaaanks. People love it.

But. BUT. Here is the but. Here is the all important vindication: It's a double album! First half is full of all of the above. BUT. Second half?
Listen to this as you read on.

David Guetta is secretly a fantastic electro-house producer.
A whole different album, no stupid vocals just tacked on because somebody wanted to sing about Having A Good Night or Pumping It Up.
The first half of the album is revealed to be a complete and utter joke. We have been pranked by a master pranker. The prank is, he makes terrible music and gets paid millions of hookers and owns a record label called Fuck Me I'm Famous while secretly he can make solid electro tracks whenever he wants.

Electro enthusiasts everywhere are confused as hell. Reviews on blogs are going "I, uh, I never really thought I'd do a Guetta album, but, uh, fuck it just look at this shit I quit".

For example:


Fuck it. What? This is fantastic. This is what I hope the future will sound like. This is what I imagine we will dance to in 2100, while wearing our white or metallic silver jumpsuits with the solid diagonal stripe. On our space stations.
This is what people in Mass Effect 3 should be dancing to. That is what this song evokes.
Everything is lit with diffused, glowing blue underlights.
Everyone has that weird fashion-show makeup where its like a fluorescent stripe of color across both eyes, like in Bladerunner.

In closing, fuck you, David Guetta, Fuck you for proving me right.