That's 65% more bullet, per bullet!

Lets get all that old shit out of the way. Erase the whiteboard. Look. Just look.

David Guetta, right? Right? Remember when I was all "man, I sure hate Superproducers of trite dancehall crap that somehow everyone shits their pants over"? And then I followed it up with "except, for some reason, David Guetta"?

This is that reason.

Heres the deal. New album, right. Nothing But The Beat.
Guetta is a smart fucking cookie. He knows that errrrbody wants to make a shitty, shitty song with him. Errbody. Chris Brown. Flo-Rida. Akon. Timbaland. Nicki Minaj. Lil Wayne. Ludacris. Will.I.Am. Snoop Dogg. Usher. Jennifer Hudson.

Class? What is wrong with that above list of "artists who want to work on an electro-house dance record"?
The correct answer is, THEY'RE ALL SUPER BALLS.
What the fuck are any of them doing in this arena? Making millions of dollars. WHY? Because people in Ibiza will drink listen dance to anything. Aaaaannnyyythiiiing. And it spreads outwards from there.

So what does he do? He makes a fucking album with every single one of those people on it, ensuring that he gets literally millions upon millions of dollars. And it is terrible. It staaaaaanks. People love it.

But. BUT. Here is the but. Here is the all important vindication: It's a double album! First half is full of all of the above. BUT. Second half?
Listen to this as you read on.

David Guetta is secretly a fantastic electro-house producer.
A whole different album, no stupid vocals just tacked on because somebody wanted to sing about Having A Good Night or Pumping It Up.
The first half of the album is revealed to be a complete and utter joke. We have been pranked by a master pranker. The prank is, he makes terrible music and gets paid millions of hookers and owns a record label called Fuck Me I'm Famous while secretly he can make solid electro tracks whenever he wants.

Electro enthusiasts everywhere are confused as hell. Reviews on blogs are going "I, uh, I never really thought I'd do a Guetta album, but, uh, fuck it just look at this shit I quit".

For example:


Fuck it. What? This is fantastic. This is what I hope the future will sound like. This is what I imagine we will dance to in 2100, while wearing our white or metallic silver jumpsuits with the solid diagonal stripe. On our space stations.
This is what people in Mass Effect 3 should be dancing to. That is what this song evokes.
Everything is lit with diffused, glowing blue underlights.
Everyone has that weird fashion-show makeup where its like a fluorescent stripe of color across both eyes, like in Bladerunner.

In closing, fuck you, David Guetta, Fuck you for proving me right.