Hot Off The Udder

Hot off the press at the food court of Queen Ka'ahumanu Shopping Center. From my gothic perch each weekday I hastily shovel greasy food down my insatiable maw, peering down at the passerby, waiting for the proper time to unleash my vengeance.

While I pass the time for that sweet vengeance upon those who would decry me as a "monster", I write with this fabulous new "Sharpie Pen" I got.

A transcription of this exciting "Real Life Blog" (Did you forget that Blog is a contraction of "Web Log"? I bet you did forget. I bet you had no idea. You should be ashamed.) is included below:

I forgot that Wednesday 1:30 English class was canceled, so I took my afternoon lunch constitutional an hour and a half early.
The long and short of it was I spent three hours in Mall Borders. The holiday music they rotate trhough has a pattern. Some of it is universal: Alvin and the Chipmunks, The Beach Boys, generic christmas songs...
These are bearable.
What is unbearable is the heartfelt, local, genuine holiday-themed music they pipe into our brains a good 80% of the time. I had to leave after three hours not because my head was awash with letters and words and a million stories, but because I was so appalled at....well, everything.
I bought this enchilada plate so I wouldn't be that brooding kid who sits in the mall with a notepad. Also because I had chinese food Monday and fish and chips Tuesday and I had the burrito (the other of the two items I buy from Maui Tacos) last week.
They are delicious, when I remember to eat them.
Walking out of a bookstore after 3 hours into a MALL is the culture shock equivalent of Plato's Allegory of the Batcave. I was in a daze, moving mechanically.
I always get a plastic knife, a plastic fork, and two napkins when I order my Special #2 Steak Enchilada Plate W/ Drink (Either root beer or sprite. Sprite, being clear, has a placebo effect.)
I never use the knife.
And I partition my chips with savage order.
I don't normally write with a pen and paper. This had to happen. You spend long enough in a place of words and stories and they worm their way into your head. I had to write something down, or go for the Mall Santa's jugular.
I'm considering doing both.
The Mall is a terrible place to be during the Holiday Season, which is a nice way of the suggesting all the fun of winter without any of the snow.
But, it's the only place that does lunch after 1:30, and my days are long.
Headphones dont work, for a number of reasons.
One, I come down here to read. To sit down in the childrens section and look attractive while surrounded by books about dragons. Can't read while listening to music, because I listen to music with 100% of my brain.
Secondly, It wouldn't make a difference. Once you've heard the melodies at least once, even the slightest hint of them makes your brain boil.
It's the same with snoring partners.
I've sat in Border's daily for the past two months.
Mall Santa takes his lunch break same time I do.
I guess I was hungry after all.

While I have your attention, Janet Jackson everybody! Who doesn't like driven hip hop dance music ending the '08 season, especially when it's accompanied by sexy robot dancers on tiny planetoids and weird...milk...volcanoes? Also the hook for this song is one of the best Janet has ever cranked out. Say what you want.

P.S. I now have a big mirror in my room which means whenever I'm bored I can just go look at myself. When was the last time you took at good hard look at yourself in the middle of the day? Not when your brain was expecting it, like in the bathroom in the morning. Do it when you least expect it.
The reason this came to mind because I just stared at my own handwriting on my monitor for ten minutes. God, I love my handwriting. Look at those lowercase g's. Look at that 80% symbol.