Famous Last Words: "Stop Killing Me!"

I ate a piece of chocolate cake for dessert because I was feeling down and out.
My mother saw me, paused for a second, then loftily exclaimed "Of course, there's caffeine in that. You'll be up all night. But you're young, you're 20, it's fine."

Oh I am not yet 20 I am still young 20 is old 20 is so very old I am not that yet.
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

I am only nineteen that is practically a preschooler.
Look at this look I still have pimples I am a teenager. Observe as I gawk and gangle in my newly elongated frame. I am clumsy and filthy and swear. I am obviously adolescent.

My friends are getting engaged.

Oh dear oh dear this is what happens to grown men. This should not happen to me. Look, look at this. Look at this scruffy thing on my chin that is not a beard it is just hairs. Look at my Converse sneakers all covered in dirt. I do not have a drivers license. I am so fabulously young, surely my whole life lies ahead of me still.

My friends are turning 20 one by one.

I grow old.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?

Half the books I read come from the young adult section. My room is filled with NERF guns and swords. I am young, quite obviously. My birthday is months away. I cannot possibly be this old quite yet there must just be some more time left under a pile of clothes in the corner perhaps.

I should go date a high schooler. I should go draw some graffiti on the bus. I should watch some MTV no wait I didn't even do that when I was a teenager I mean I mean I am still a teenager still.

Who waits until the middle of their life to have a crisis why bother.
I hereby declare this the middle of my life I am entitled to my crisis look at how old I am lookit dis junk
Somebody tell me what teenagers do so I can go do it quick.

Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

(P.S. Oh man I'm so cool I feel much better now.)


Whoops just kidding. I'm Mega Sweet.