The Green Mountains Are Always Walking

Double edit: I swear, I ask and the FotCC guys deliver again and again. I have had this song on loop for the past hour straight. Favorite song/video since that Icecream fight.


Tomorrow I am due to lead my Asian Philosophies class in a round of peer facilitated discussion. Like the impetuous and lazy fool that I am, I chose both the last possible slot and hardest possible subject matter.
So tonight is a very busy night for me, as I attempt to formulate roughly 10 intelligent and provocative questions or points of interest regarding the Mountains and Waters Sutra, found in the Poetic Imagery section of the collective writings of Zen Master Dōgen, "Moon In A Dewdrop".

Here is one of the sections I have to work with, verbatim:
Priest Daokai at Mt. Furong said to the assembly, "The green mountains are always walking; a stone woman gives birth to a child at night." Mountains do not lack the qualities of mountains. Therefore they always abide in ease and always walk. You should examine in detail this quality of the mountains' walking. Mountains' walking is just like human walking. Accordingly, do not doubt mountains' walking even though it does not look the same as human walking. The buddha ancestors' words point to walking. This is fundamental understanding. You should penetrate these words.

Due to this, I have instead been working on a different project: VIDEOGAYYYYMES:
















It is Easter, you see, in the World of the Warcraft.

Don't judge me. You want to decipher this shit?
A thousand grinning wise bald men have been sitting in stone temples for the past four thousand years trying to actualize Buddha-Nature by ruminating on these words.
A thousand grinning wise bald men before them have constructed elaborate, intentionally paradoxical koans such as these; designed to cause such a series of mental "....wat"s as to force your brain to hurl itself against the walls of consciousness like a frenzied pigeon trapped under a cardboard box.
So far I have two questions.
1. ........WAT.
~
10. What does a mirror's reflection look like?

Just nine more!

Also,suddenly and simultaneously, Cliff Richard from the '70s!

Are you ready to have to mind fucking blown?

WHO WAS THAT YOU'RE RIGHT IT IS HIM


And finally, after secondary research, Katy Perry is A-OK in my book. As long as you change everything about it.

Edit: Yeah, you think I'm fucking kidding around here? Segment 22, At the hour of the Rat, eighteenth day, tenth month, first year of Ninji [1240], this was taught to the assembly at Kannondori Kosho Horin Monastery:

There are mountains hidden in treasures. There are mountains hidden in swamps. There are mountains hidden in the sky. There are mountains hidden in mountains. There are mountains hidden in hiddenness. This is complete understanding.
An ancient buddha said , "Mountains are mountains, waters are waters."
These words do not mean mountains are mountains, they mean mountains are mountains.
Therefore investigate mountains thoroughly. When you investigate mountains thoroughly, this is the work of the mountains.

On Syllogisms, by Lewis Carroll

Once master the machinery of Symbolic Logic, and you have a mental occupation always at hand, of absorbing interest, and one that will be of real use to you in any subject you may take up. It will give you clearness of thought - the ability to see your way through a puzzle - the habit of arranging your ideas in an orderly and get-at-able form - and, more valuable than all, the power to detect fallacies, and to tear to pieces the flimsy illogical arguments, which you will so continually encounter in books, in newspapers, in speeches, and even in sermons, and which so easily delude those who have never taken the trouble to master this fascinating Art.

Let I be : It is Interesting
M: It is Modern
Y: It is Your poem
P: It is Popular among people of real taste
A: It is affected
S: It is on the subject of soap bubbles

The universe in this puzzle is the collection of all poems, while the five assertions below are implications involving the simpler statements above.

1. No interesting poems are unpopular among people of real taste.
2. No modern poetry is free from affectation.
3. All your poems are on the subject of soap-bubbles.
4. No affected poetry is popular among people of real taste.
5. No ancient poem is on the subject of soap-bubbles.

To begin, we write each statement symbolically, along with its contrapositive:

1. I → P , ~P → ~I
2. M → A , ~A → ~M
3. Y → S , ~S → ~Y
4. A → ~P , P → ~A
5. ~M → ~S , S → M

Therefore, I → P → ~A → ~M → ~S → ~Y
or its more accurate contrapositive, Y → S → M → A → ~P → ~I.
Therefore, Y → ~I.

Griffin's Note: I attempted to use this as an excuse for my invented implicational argument form, the "Hypothetical Trilogism" (And subsequent Quadrilism, Quintagism, and Sexagism) to my logic instructor. He informed me I was full of shit. But logically valid. Next week I attempt to introduce Modus Ponendo Stercus Taurus†

†(That is, "Mode That Affirms By Bullshit)
In other news, Common and Mos Def with a beat by J Dilla that is wonderful.

Make of this what you will.


And in case you wanted to know who the Lonely Island was making fun of, it was Slim Thug. God I hate Slim Thug.

Change-up! (That is a baseball term for when the pitcher intentionally throws a slow ball after a series of fast balls to mess with the batter's timing Now you know a Sports Thing!)

They Invented Sex During The Day, Lingerie, And The Tongue

It's that time again, fearless readers!
Another episode of Hey, Ladies In Music, I Just Want You To Know I Think You're Really Pretty And I Was Wondering If You Wanted To, You Know, Make Out - Just A Little, I Don't Mean Anything Big (Unless You're Cool With That, Cause I'd Totally Bone You Out The Door) - Francophone Edition!
Or HLIMIJWYTKITYRPAIWWIYWTYKMO - JALIDMAB(UYCWTCITBYOTD) - FE! for short.
First up is....

Actually in this round there is only one contestant. And she wins everything, forever, because she's adorable.
Yelle, aka Julie Budet, is an electro house dance chanteuse.
Oh gosh she's just so french. Shut up and watch the video.

The best part is, if you translate the lyrics, you'll find it's a horribly mean and insulting song. The original version of this was what made her famous, she put it up on her Myspace as a diss to some other musician. It's basically "You have a small dick and you're stupid, and I'm awesome and I wear the shortest skirts in the world and drive around in my fluorescent Hummer."
Only it's cheery and charming because its in french!
(Ex: "On navait pas prevu de passer la soiree avec des rigolos
On voulait voir des pectoraux, des mecs montes comme des taureaux"
translates roughly to "We don't plan on spending the night here with clowns. We want to see pecs, men hung like bulls!")

Uh, runners up include Frances equivalent to Britney Spears, "Lorie" - but mainly because I'm in a French electrohouse mood and I liked this remix.

Also, I can't find any songs where they sing in french, but they're Quebecois, so they totally count. Led by Sarah Dugas, The Duhk's are a french bluegrass/roots/folk band and I like all their music a lot and have linked some of it before. Like, actually good music. I'm very impressed by them. Also they're ALL hot, so I'm gonna add them all to the list.
But really,who ISN'T gonna look hot surrounded by sweaty hedonistic desert circus troupes? (I like her voice.)
In other news, if I hear one more fucking song with Autotune come out from an artist that has never used it before, I swear to god I will listen to nothing but foreign music for two weeks.

(I am increasingly interested in remixes and mashups - unsure whether it stems from an initial dissatisfaction with the direction popular music is heading, or my inherent desire to play devils advocate. Expect an imminent long-winded future post)
That being said, I will say I like headphones with little golden wings on them.

ENDING NOTE: I am not sure where I stand regarding Katy Perry at this moment in time. Research indicates both her parents were Methodist preachers. Hot.
Also whaaaaattractive!

This Intense, Pathetic, and Important Way

Exerpt from "What Makes A Life Significant?" by William James
"Every Jack sees in his own particular Jill charms and perfections to the enchantment of which we stolid onlookers are stone-cold. And which has the superior view of the absolute truth, he or we? Which has the more vital insight into the nature of Jill’s existence, as a fact? Is he in excess, being in this matter a maniac? or are we in defect, being victims of a pathological anesthesia as regards Jill’s magical importance? Surely the latter; surely to Jack are the profounder truths revealed; surely poor Jill’s palpitating little life-throbs are among the wonders of creation, are worthy of this sympathetic interest; and it is to our shame that the rest of us cannot feel like Jack. For Jack realizes Jill concretely, and we do not. He struggles toward a union with her inner life, divining her feelings, anticipating her desires, understanding her limits as manfully as he can, and yet inadequately, too; for he is also afflicted with some blindness, even here. Whilst we, dead clods that we are, do not even seek after these things, but are contented that that portion of eternal fact named Jill should be for us as if it were not. Jill, who knows her inner life, knows that Jack’s way of taking it—so importantly—is the true and serious way; and she responds to the truth in him by taking him truly and seriously, too. May the ancient blindness never wrap its clouds about either of them again! Where would any of us be, were there no one willing to know us as we really are or ready to repay us for our insight by making recognizant return? We ought, all of us, to realize each other in this intense, pathetic, and important way. If you say that this is absurd, and that we cannot be in love with everyone at once, I merely point out to you that, as a matter of fact, certain persons do exist with an enormous capacity for friendship and for taking delight in other people’s lives; and that such persons know more of truth than if their hearts were not so big."

And now, some Röyksopp!

And now, some Handsome Boy Modeling School (Sampling from Galt MacDermot!)

More Royksopp! With Coldplay flavorings!

I Ain't So 'Fraid Of Losing Somethin' That I Ain't Gonna Try And Have It

I am beauty I am truth I am late night sessions in front of the computer
I am interesting and short and sharp and violent
I am better than you.

I listen to loud music at high speeds I enjoy driving fast
I see stop signs as challenges.

The opposite of something is different than the negation.

That is a difficult concept to grasp.

If you're Drunk, you're on one end of the spectrum. One extreme.
Drunk---------------------Sober

Drunk is the Negation of Sober.
But it isn't the opposite.

Drunk---------------------Sober----------------------WHAT IS ON THIS SIDE.

Knurd. More sober than sober. Bright eyed and bleary. Equally disorienting. Instead of shutting down your brain it throws open the starting gate and rolls you out into the stark raving naked reality of things. Bright blue skies and infinite pastures.

You can die if you're drunk enough, your body shuts down and you breath vomit.

That's the thing about extremes. They're both equally extreme, equidistant from the Neutrality that lies in the middle. Extreme plus Opposite Extreme Equals Neutrality.
Neutrality Plus Extreme Equals Negation.

I think in logical terms now. Perpetually Knurd. I may be a perspectiveaholic. I drink unpleasant truths and skewer my brain under bright blue skies. Like the default Windows desktop, only going on forever.

The shapes we identify as constellations only apply from our point in space.

2-D shapes like the big dipper are actually made up of stars light years away from each other in every direction.
What we see as Orion is actually a three dimensional shape.

When we colonize Mars they will have to find and name new constellations.

Eat dark chocolate. It doesn't taste as good but it does conform more accurately to the early 20th century Italian art movement of Futurism.

Why do we like slow motion videos what about them excites and amazes us.
We don't like to see regular day to day things happen in slow motion we like to see fast things slowed down. Bullets. Balloons rupturing. People getting slapped in the face.

Things that are fast, short, violent, surprising, we want them slowed down we want to study them we want to know them be less surprised be less disrupted when they happen if I had reflexes like the Matrix I would probably commit violent acts just like them.

As it is, we can't really appreciate rapidity until the moment has passed and our brains have a second to catch up and relay what just happened to the rest of our bodies.
And usually the message they relay is "That was remarkable. Act accordingly."

Flood your body with endorphins. Do what is most appropriate at that exact time and place.
Respect those who know more than you, and learn from them.
There is a reason behind most everything anyone does.
Look at the experts in any field and take notes.
Look at the reasons for their actions, and why they produce the results they do.
Approach perfection through parrotry of the perfect. They are the closest to perfection for a reason.

There are flaws in this lifestyle.
Here is a newsflash.
There are flaws in every lifestyle.
Prove me wrong. Be better. Be perfect. Let me copy your notes.
Record yourself and leave the footage for future generations on Mars to see in between constellation naming sessions.
Come back and teach. That's what the Hindus do.
Lead by example. That's what the Daoists do.
Learn from everything. That's what the Confucians do.

The reason people on ecstasy like to dress the way they do, act the way they do, do the things they do, listen to the music they listen to, dance the dances they do, fuck the way they fuck, is because for the last 97 years since it's invention they have been experimenting and evolving and THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO EXPERIENCE IT.

Look down on stereotypes for the reasons that make them reprehensible and worthy of contempt. If they are ignorant, hate them. If they are annoying, avoid them. If they are ugly, don't fuck them.
But do not let justified logical reaction progress to outright dismissal of all aspects of their reasoning.

Cull.

Separate the undesirable traits and learn from them by horrible example.
Isolate the things that work and integrate them into your own Megazoid.
Observe.
Study.
Filter.
Absorb.
Cultivate.
Sharpen.
Become efficient and aerodynamic.

Shoot lasers out of your god damn eye sockets.

Then come show me how.

What a fabulous video. This is definitely my favorite thing for the month of April.

And There Was Only Eighteen Seconds To Eject Before The Bowling Alley Closed

God, honestly, who gets tired of Justin Timberlake.
It is not me. I love Justin Timberlake. Hard.
Even other peoples music is made better with the magic Timberlake Tumble Touch.
That means he comes in and just has sex with you all over the recording studio equalizer, and the next time you play back the track it has gotten better.
This is, in fact, documented on camera in Ciara's new music video.
Jesus fucking christ if strip clubs are anything like this, I can't wait. Sign me up for season tickets. My god.


In lieu of interesting and engaging diatribes on pot today, I have youtube(s).
Daniel Tosh has all the good qualities of Dane Cook, minus all the incredibly annoying qualities.


Do Knock is the one who isn't asian in this video. I'm actually completely on the fence, I don't know who should've won this. The slow headspin is amazing, but the white guy also reminds me of Dane Cook if Dane Cook was a breakdancer. Which, again, dunno if that's a good or bad thing.
That being said, 2:09 and 2:20 are some of the skidooshiest moves I've ever seen.


Aaaaaand yeah, it's time for me to buy a Zippo. This is obviously something I must learn. (I'm trying to find some reference to Dane Cook, but this guy is totally Korean)


You know what, lets hear that fucking song again. I love Justin Timberlake so much I want his face tattooed directly onto my face so I can pretend I'm him. Or something.

Man this song isn't even that good.
SO LET ME DRIVE MY BODY AROUND YOU
I BET YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
Wait what

I Used To Drive Drunk, But Some Mothers Got Madudud

I've smoked pot like....four times.

What a bunch of crap it was. Weed is boring. Weed is uninteresting.
All I do all day is sit around on my ass and think of stupid shit. Play computer games and have trouble doing math problems.
Why would I want a drug that gives me more of that.

Also, I hate every single aspect of any culture that has been influenced by pot. I hate you, hippies. Seriously. I hate hackey sacks. I hate dread locks. I hate baggy organic clothes. I hate reggae. I hate drum circles and tye-dye and Anti-Bush jokes.I saw a bumper sticker the other day. It was a cutout of the Hawaiian island chain, only striped Red Yellow and Green.
What does that even fucking mean. What is that supposed to mean. It means you're Hawaiian and you're Jamaican too. Or something. Fuck you.

I hate hemp rope and hemp fuel and hemp everything. Pot is a drug that makes you act like a kid again. I hate kids.

Pot smells bad when you burn it. Pot tastes bad when you eat it.
People who smoke weed and find the smell/taste delicious are stupid.
Your opinions are wrong. It smells terrible. That is the smell you get when you RUIN your brownies, not make them extra delicious.

Pot is possibly the most annoying drug of all time. It makes smart people stupid, and stupid people think they're smart. It makes people smelly and friendly, a terrible combination at any time. There is none of the inhibition-lowering and sex-producing qualities of alcohol or the brain-altering affects of real psychedelic drugs. Yet it is one of the most pseudoscientifically studied drugs ever.

Here is my experience with alcohol: "Holy shit, this tastes....terrible, with a masochistic uptwist" OH MY GOD THIS IS AN AMAZINGLY LIBERATING FEELING LETS GO PARASAILING AND/OR CAN I SEE YOUR BOOBS? (Epilogue: HELLO TOILET HOW ARE YOOOOUUUU)

Here is my experience with weed: "So...so I'm supposed to be feeling something NOW, right? Something is supposed to happen?" "Yeah, I guess so, man. You've smoked like twice as much as it should take to get you like totally high" "My legs are kind of tingly. This is boring, and now my mouth tastes like smoke. How do you clean this thing, anyway?"

Do you see the difference?

Pot ruins every possible cool thing about Pot.
You smoke it? That could be so cool. Cigarettes are really cool. There are so many cool things you can do with smoke.
NO. Pot fucks it up. Every word for smoking sounds so fucking retarded, dripping out of your stupid dumb mouth. Dude, lets go BURRNNNN. Lets BLAZE. Lets get JAGGED. Have a TOKE. I'm getting angry just hearing this in my head.

And OH MY GOD the delivery system. You need to burn something and inhale the smoke. Okay, from a glassware perspective, that sounds pretty easy to do. We've got these things called cigarettes, they've got filters and. NO. Joints are stubby, ugly wads.

Well, okay, we do have these things called pipes, they're basically just a bowl with a stem you breath through.
NO. Lets make ugly, bulbous, organic, swirly, nebulous, squat, colorblind lumps of glass, and act like they're really cool.
I hate pipes so fucking much. They are all ugly. They are all stupid looking.

Alcohol has the option of looking classy. There are....clean lines, bold colors, a sense of composition. Straight edges and fine details.
Look at how fucking classy this cocktail glass is. A single reverse wedge of lemon. All that is in there is probably....vodka, lemon juice, sugar. And it'll knock you on your ass, and you'll look cool just holding it, and it is CLEAN and ORDERLY and is AESTHETICALLY PLEASING.

I Google'd "pipe" and this is the VERY FIRST IMAGE that came up. This fucking, this disgusting, swirling, discordant abomination.
And potheads think they look cool. They collect them. They brag about ones that look like the Man in the Moon with a Beard.

Weed is a drug that makes you think this pipe is an interesting, unique, and cool piece of art.
That alone is a cogent argument against pot. Put that shit up on your commercial, D.A.R.E. Put this on your slideshow. "If you do this drug, you will eventually think this is coooooooool, bro". I promise you, start em early enough and you'll put Cheeto's out of business in no time.

I'm not unreasonable. There are a scant few positive aspects. Smoke rings are cool, no matter what. I like Jack Johnson. I mean, I would prefer you to be a vapid squinter on weed than, say, chewing my face off on crystal meth. It is definitely the least harmful of the major drugs. Probably less so than caffeine.
It's pretty much par for the course with theobromine. Thats the stuff in chocolate that makes you happy.
That is a shitty argument for it, though.

This is a ROOR glassware bong. It is the closest thing I could find to a decent, functional and clean piece of pot culture, and guess what. It's made by the Germans. And it costs two hundred dollars.

Look, okay, I have some shit to say about Hookahs too. If you take them seriously, you're just as stupid.

I hate beer and wine too. Give me some credit. I mete out my hate in large, even quantities, and I always give rational arguments for my smoldering rage. People who smoke cigarettes smell bad and taste bad. Drunk people far exceed potheads in potential for obstinant ignorance and, for that matter, ignorant violence. Yes. In the hands of a fucking idiot, everything can be used as a weapon, or at least as an offense to my existence.
If you smoke pot, you're probably dumb and boring.
Ugh. And probably cheerful and content.
I hope you get hit by a van.
And for the record, I thought Pineapple Express was hilarious.


And HEY, lets have some music. The Supremes!

I'd like you all to meet Deltron Zero...and Automator. (Shut up stick with it.)