Ceci N'est Pas Une Pipe

When in doubt, bored and tired, if you have the choice of going to sleep or re-reading the emails sent by your distant cousin when he spent the year 2003 living in Cairo studying Islam and the Arabic language...choose the latter. (Females in my life, you'd go out of your mind for my boy Timur here.)
I am afraid, best beloved reader. I am personally worried that our (read: my) vocabulary is shrinking as a whole.
I am a verbose individual. At least, I imagine myself to be someone with a decent command over the language; over words. I read a lot of books as a kid. Fantasy books. I still do. I can write an essay that gets me into college, or passes the AP exam (not that that means anything). More importantly, as the clock trundles into the single digit hours of the morning, I can shoot lightning from my fingers and weave tapestries of bleary-eyed joy and rage in word-thought-feeling clusters that are unintelligible the morning after. I can't write poetry, but I can read it. I can understand it but not speak it.

The internet started as a joke but I think we are taking it seriously now.
I learned to type because we started using MSN to stay in touch between school each day. Mario Teaches Typing doesn't have shit on Instant Messenger.
It could have easily gone the other way, only I don't like using the phone because people can hear you. (Plus, when you're on The Internet, you have the worlds information at your fingertips. You can be an expert on anything in five seconds. This makes for more fluid discourse. Now, instead of pretending to know about art while hanging around in a coffee shop, we can rapidly read the wikipedia article and seduce the woman of our dreams. Pretentiousness is replaced by Autodidacticism. I just made that word up.)

Did our generation ever use LOL or ROFLGAMMARAYOGMG? It seemed we are always in the middle. The younger siblings actually use it, the older generations unknowingly commit cringe-worthy faux pas with them, and we stay in the middle using them ironically.
I am afraid, America, that what we originally thought was ironic has become accepted. Commonplace. What I mean to say is this:
I believe we've gotten so used to saying "MAN FAUST? FUCK THAT SHITBAG. FUCKER SHOULD'VE KNOWN NOT TO BE ALL LIEK 'WHATUP BEELZEBUB, HOOK A PLAYA PLAYA FROM THE HIMALAYAS UP WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE BIZZLE.'"
in an ironic fashion
That we have come to actually think that way. The joke was we would simultaneously prove our intellectual and ironic depths by talking about high-level academic subjects using low-level internet slang/banalities.
It was more complex than that, but I am paraphrasing for when they put my blog in the library of congress because it was culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant.
I want to break free of this.
Not for any interesting reason, I just don't want to sound like a moron. I want the ladies to be all "Damn boy you fine as all hell OH GOD LOOK I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW. IT IS INESCAPABLE.
Bigger words are not the answer. They help when used sparingly, but anybody can use a thesaurus. No, instead, I have to be a genuinely more interesting and original person.
Which, in this day and age, mainly consists of finding cool ideas on the internet that my peers have not stumbled upon yet, and claiming them for my own.
Hey guys, lets go build a catapult I swear I drew up these blueprints on my own.
Hey, lets fill a hundred balloons with LEDS and release them into the sky.
Lets go spraypaint a billboard. Lets go out for icecream. Lets be interesting and original for the chicks hell of it. Lets play Xbox. Lets run around the city in the middle of the night and scare ourselves to death. Lets play twister loudly in a sleazy motel on the edge of town to give the staff a hilarious story to tell. Lets put our own fresh new stamp on todays fashion while still staying within it's borders and looking good. Lets unite the pretty nerdy kids and the interesting cool kids and start a party. Or a gang war.
Lets act with reckless abandon like old people did; like old people think we do. Lets be immature and boring like the less-old-but-still-older people are; like they think we are. Lets be incredibly cool and risque and exciting like the younger generation thinks we are; hopes they will be.
Lets blow up the fucking world and then put it back together upside down just to fuck with New Zealand.
Lets do anything anything anything but sit here and waste everyone's time.

P.S. I like this song!